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Some people are so full of shit. They should have flushing handles instead of ears.


Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.


Life is a bitch. Learn to fuck it!


People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.


Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart!


If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.


I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear in bubbles over our head!


As long as I always hold you in my heart, I will never lose you.


Our hearts are drunk with a beauty our eyes could never see.


Dear Problems, Please go and fuck yourself!


Save the Earth! It's the only planet with chocolate.


The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


I make beer disappear. What's your superpower?


Congratulations! You have won a huge place in my heart. You must come and take it or you will never be happy.


Together forever and never apart, maybe in distance but never by heart.


Dear boys, I can make your girlfriend scream louder then you ever will. Sincerely, Spider


Dear Life, what the hell are you trying to do to me?


Reality is something for people who have fears of unicorns!


The only thing you have to fear is fear itself ... and spiders.


I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you?


May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light.
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.


I feel something in my heart. It's like a little flame. Every time I see you, this flame lights up. This flame is special for you, because I love you!


Men wear the pants, but women control the zipper.


May the doctor never earn a pound out of you.


I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.


I'm not short. I'm just more down to earth than other people.


Follow your heart but take your brain with you.


I love you with all my butt, I would say heart but my butt is bigger.


May Holy Mother take away the harm of the years away from you!


Too early. Too cold. Too Monday.


In Heaven there's no beer.
That's why we drink it here.


Come live in my heart and pay no rent.


Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or an idiot from any direction.


Dear Monday, My mama don't like you & she likes everyone!


The early worm deserves the bird.


Why does life keep teaching me lessons. I have no desire to learn.


Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.


I woke up early. There was no worm.


Dear Monday, Fuck you!


The early bird can have the worm. I'll take coffee.


Dear Math, I am sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she is gone. Move on, dude!


The early birds needs a lot of coffee.


Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something ...


I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of a permanently exhausted pigeon.


Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.


I've decided this year will start on February 1st. January is a free trial month.


I am making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me, you're one of them!


Apparently the thing my kid most wants for Christmas this year is for me to go bankrupt.


Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it's not me, it's you.


My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.


On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.


Dear Santa, I've been good all year. Okay, most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I'll buy my own stuff.


Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary for Christmas.


The early bird can have the stupid worm. I don't like worms or mornings.


The early bird can have the worm. Because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.


I must have an amazing butt, every time I walk away from someone, I hear them whisper, 'What an ass!'


The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell!


If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.


Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.


May God grant you many years to live, for sure he must be knowing, the earth has angels all too few and heaven is overflowing.


A butterfly needs its wings: An icebear needs cold weather. And I - I need you!


Dear Santa, this year please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks.


Anyone who thinks Fools' Day comes just once a year, doesn't work where I work.


May all the giant hearts be tall as day, may all your winter nights be warm as May.


Drama, lies, tears! Cheers to the teenage years!


May you live to be a hundred years, with one extra year to repent.


A toast to your coffin. May it be made of 100 year old oak. And may we plant the tree together, tomorrow.


The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from your birth until you fall in love.


Proposal

Sun goes down earlier for short people.

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Dear Santa, Yes I was naughty this year, but at least I am honest about it, that should count for something?




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