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Love me, or let it be, but don't play with me!


I'm not perfect but parts of me are excellent!


Take me, or leave me. Either way, you won't find someone else like me.


I'm aw! You're ew!


Are you rich? I'm single!


Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart!


God bless all those that I love.
God bless all those that love me.
God bless all those that love those that I love -
and all those that love those that love me.


May the wind at your back always be your own.


May the Lord keep you in his hand and never close his fist too tight.


Love is a name.
Sex is a game.
Forget the name.
Let's play the game!


I have tits. Give me free stuff! I have a penis. Blame me for everything!


I have tits. Give me free stuff!


Do you love me?

A: Yes
B: A
C: B


Will you love me for the rest of my life? No I'll love you for the rest of mine.


Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.


I have a penis. Blame me for everything!


Never forget me,
forget me never!
But when you forget me,
forget me forever!


A moment on the lips. Forever on the hips.


There are only two times that I want to be with you - Now and Forever.


Game over!


Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.


Love me not. Love me never.
But when you love me - love me forever!


Life wouldn’t be the same without you and all the memories you have given me.


Words beginn with A B C, numbers beginn with 1 2 3, music beginns with do re me but love beginns with You and Me.


Your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth.


I want to be the little cup, from which you drink your tea.
And everytime you take a drink, you would be kissing me!


Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore I am a unicorn.


Me, Myself and I are all proud to be who we are.


Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.


If a kiss is a snowflake I would send you a whole snowstorm!


The most honest compliment of a man is a boner.


Unicorns are real. The mermaids told me.


Today I am a mermaid. Tomorrow I will be a unicorn.


My husband thinks I'm crazy, but I'm not the one who married me.


I can be social! Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.


People are so ungrateful ... No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.


Unicorn mermaid princess it doesn't matter. I'm special.


I'm not always a bitch. Sometimes I'm asleep.


I try to be a nice person. But sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate.


Don't underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and notice more than you realize.


If someone truely loves you they’ll see your beauty inside of you.


Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.


My phone is always on silent. I don't even know if I have a ringtone. If someone needs to contact me in an emergency I suggest you call someone else.


Roses are red. Violets are blue. God mad me pretty, what happened to you?


To all those people who have gossiped and bitched about me. Thank you so much for making me the center of your little world.


Is it just me or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?


Me: I'm finally happy. Life: LOL! wait a second.


Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!


Weekend ... Get back here and let me love you.


Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I only exist when you need something.


They say, "revenge is sweet." They also say, "revenge is a dish best served cold." I've come to realize revenge is probably ice cream ...


Tonight I'm drinking until I'm someone else's problem.


Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.


Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people at the grocery store.


The unicorns made me do it.


I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.


Congratulations! You have won a huge place in my heart. You must come and take it or you will never be happy.


We do not remember days. We remember moments.


It's a beautiful day. Now watch some asshole fuck it up.


Kiss me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist, right?


Boobs! The proof that men can focus on two things at once.


Sometimes I drink a glass of water ... Just to surprise my liver!


Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done!


The world has become more wonderful just because you are here.


Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?


You're like school in the summertime - no classes!


Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person.


Dear Santa, Yes I was naughty this year, but at least I am honest about it, that should count for something?


You love me, you hate me but you will never forget me!


Some call it arrogant. I call it confident.


Here's to our wives and girlfriends - may they never meet!


Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.


Some people just need a high five, in their face, with a chair, made of steel, twice, from HULK!


I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Except dogs - I want dogs to like me.


Dear Life, what the hell are you trying to do to me?


Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.


Me. You. Bed. Now.


Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome not perfect.


I feel something in my heart. It's like a little flame. Every time I see you, this flame lights up. This flame is special for you, because I love you!


Reality is something for people who have fears of unicorns!


Don’t say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it.


May you get all your wishes but one - so you always have something to strive for.


Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?


I actually don't need to control my anger. Everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off.


Men wear the pants, but women control the zipper.


I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.


Mondays! You're telling me they will happen every week?


It's not the lie that bothers me. It's the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.


I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone's face and be like: "I facebooked you!"


There is someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.


So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?


I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.


Come live in my heart and pay no rent.


An average person farts 13 times a day. Finally, I'm above average at something.


The cashier told me "Strip down, facing me". How was I to know she meant my debit card?


Don't mess with me! I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.


Some people are so full of shit. They should have flushing handles instead of ears.


Good night my love! We will meet each other in our dreams to spend a few moments with love and happines together. I love you!


Someone told me I was delusional. I almost fell of my unicorn.


If you like water, you already like 72% of me ...






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