Who sayings

I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it?

People who talk shit will be reincarnated as toilet paper.

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Don't get confused between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

I turned my whole life around. I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.

Ugh ... January! The whole month is just a giant freakin' Monday!