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Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with chocolate.


I wish I was as thin as I actually was, back when I thought I was fat!


You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.


I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.


I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.


I have tits. Give me free stuff! I have a penis. Blame me for everything!


Anyone else reached that age where you gain weight if you breathe?


I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated not to do anything!








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