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The best things in life aren't things!


If a thing is worth doing it would have been done already.


When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.


I have tits. Give me free stuff! I have a penis. Blame me for everything!


Anyone else reached that age where you gain weight if you breathe?


I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated not to do anything!


I have a penis. Blame me for everything!






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