The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
It's so unfair. Just as you start getting your crap together, your body starts falling apart.
Dear Santa, this year please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks.
Diet rule: If nobody sees you eating it. It doesn't contain any calories.
Bitch, you're just like Monday. Nobody likes you!
I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.
You cannot make everybody happy. You're not a Nutella jar.
Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.